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I’m a lover of tights and, dare I say, a connoisseur. In high school, I wore them like a badge of honor even when it was arguably too hot for legwear, and even this week I found myself trying to justify wearing my new purple tights even though summer is still pretty much happening in L.A. Well, fuck, my office is cold and, double fuck, they’re purple!

So, yeah, I love tights, and I feel like it’s my duty to tell the world which ones are worth buying and vice versa. So, here’s my review of American Apparel’s Opaque Pantyhose (don’t be scared that’s just fancy talk for tights).

The Look: Even thought they’re 88% nylon and 12% spandex, they’re pretty matte, which I enjoy because I’m not a fan of shiny tights. I always buy a size up to ensure super-opaqueness, and that trick definitely worked with these–you can only see a hint of skin in these babies. Delish.

The Price: Nice. $14

The Comfort: I’ll say this: I like the way they feel on my legs, but the waist is too tight. Even the super skinny scenester sales girl was all “oh my god, get a large or they’ll kill you.” I complied, but they’re still pretty tight, so I have to pull them way up to my ribcage or run the risk of looking like I’m carrying a spare tire, which sucks. Hey Charney: stop porking your assistant and work on it!

The Quality: Top notch. I don’t think they’ll be running anytime soon.

The Verdict: While the tight waistband does leave a lot to be desired, I think they’re still worth the purchase. I mean, the colors alone make it worth it. But, yeah, that waistband does suck. Ugh! In the words of Tiffany, it “could’ve been so beautiful.”