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Don’t think ANTM is educational? Au contraire. This week I replaced real, important, knowledge with these tidbits:

1. Marvita’s got issues. So little orphan Annie.

2. Whitney’s makeover made her look like a Poison groupie. Hey, that’s better than saying she looks like Anna Nicole.

3. It sounds really stupid when you say “The Vogue.” Vogue is a verb, Dominique. Duh.

4. Vendella has become a z-list model veteran. Sorry.

5. If you talk about yourself in the third person, you’re bananas. That means you, “The Dominique.”

6. “My best friend is black” is never a good comeback when someone accuses you of racism.

7. Tyra is a sadist who just thought it would be funny to make Claire look like Susan Powter .

8. The panel loves to question how dedicated the models are. Like a cult.

9. Paulina is a spitfire. Did you see the way she was taunting Vendella?

10. Poor Marvita.

–Valentina

I saw these on another site, and I had to share. They’re In God We Trust, and they are so, so, so delicious. Plus they’re only $20 at Refinery 29. I would seriously feel like Lolita in these as I would pair them with red or yellow flats and a black and white striped tee.

I’d have to steer clear of the Humbert Humberts of the world.

–Valentina

They only have small and extra small, so only skinny jerks need apply.

Well, well, well, Nine West has really made some strides in the past few years, and these punchy gladiators are proof. These sandals are poised to be the big thing this summer, riding on their blooming popularity of last year.

You may as well stock up, since they’re classic enough to work even when they aren’t “in”– I mean, really, they’ve been an acceptable warm weather shoe choice since the 9th Century B.C., so you’re safe getting them in a few colors.

–Valentina